Flossing Follies

"Astounding shot," McNeill repeated, as both of his cheese puffs slithered across six large muffins. Gallivanting across their lawns, soon after the horsies' departure, McNeill chortled because of how they smelled after their muddy romp. Suddenly, aliens descended, noisily munching celery. Everything in sight imploded, even the other nineteen fatty globs of acidic, dwarvish protein. Meanwhile, all possible conjugations of several different Korean dialects morphed into hieroglyphics beyond anyone's ken. Afterwards, chrysanthemums fell randomly up into a narrow stump, where seven sparkly German Shepherds stalked rabbits. Solicitors, beware! Doctor Delphinium danced dizzily down the thin parapet, pushed by big, brainy, brawny "Bubba" beyond bushels of bratwurst because burning bridges betray both.

McNeill's sister's horse's second cheese stick split sarcastically sideways. McNeill wondered whether wine might accentuate feelings towards one particular green equine figure, but, unfortunately, muffins resist such unsavoury celery.

"Oh, never again shall petite peas push perfunctorily while weasels prance: I disdain all such

* * *

I do not look forward to flossing my teeth each night. Some people in my extended family like to floss their teeth three times a day. This sort of makes me wonder whether I might have been adopted.

In any case, the challenge to be a Responsible Flosser has gotten the better of me much of my life. I tried rewarding myself with pretty, sparkly, colorful stickers applied to charts. Really! Because I LIKE sparkly, colorful things much more than flossing. But not enough more. You can tell I've struggled with this for a long time, since I posted about flossing back in 2004 (wow, that's six years ago).

HOWEVER, the latest tricksy technique, which is working very well at the moment, is accountability with a dearly beloved member of the household, who is also flossing daily - and we are writing a story together, one word per flossing session...it's VERY slow.

Actually, we are writing TWO stories, one silly and one serious. So we get to write one word each in each story every day that we floss all our teeth. From time to time, house guests and other family members join us in the story (if they floss that day, of course). We have a special "Flossing Book" which contains these budding stories - the silly one in the front of the book, the serious literary version at the back. The first eight words of each story are identical, but boy do they diverge from then on. Sometime in 2193 they will meet in the middle of the notebook.

You have just been treated to the silly story as it stands so far! Yes, I am the one who penned the word "sparkly!"